A Funeral, Steaks, and a Horse Discussion

Funeral yesterday. A dear old friend lost her 47-year old son to a heart infection. He had been sick for a while, but once the infection really took hold, he didn't last long. They sent him home from the hospital last Saturday and he died Monday night.

This son was my friend's difficult child. He, and my equally troubled younger son, are part of the reason she and I became such close friends. We shared that in common. My son was always doing things her son had already done, and vice versa. We comforted each other. There's a bond between mothers of troubled children. We can confide in each other in a way that mothers without these troubled children can't do. Hard to explain but there is relief in knowing, when you're going through hard times, that you are not alone, that others have shared your experiences.

But all that aside, it was a sad event, to go to this funeral yesterday. There were whispers that the cause of the heart infection could have been intravenous drug use. No one is really sure, though, and rumors do fly in these small towns. The service was in an old Lutheran church, one I have admired for many years, and I must admit I enjoyed seeing the inside of the building. I also appreciated having my SO with me. A lot of the people at this funeral were old acquaintances from before my divorce, and many seemed surprised not only to see me but to see me with this tall stranger -- a stranger to them anyway. I was glad he got to meet people I had told stories about, and see them for himself.

My friend's husband was one in particular that I have wanted my SO to meet, because I felt sure they would like each other immediately. They did. This man is salt of the earth, and he and my SO talked about cattle for several minutes. The husband of my friend seemed almost giddy, jabbering a lot more than I have ever known him to do. I understand that giddiness, having felt it myself at Mother's funeral. It comes from knowing the nightmare is nearly over, and also from relief that the suffering had ended. At least, the suffering of the loved one is over. The survivor grief hasn't yet hit. And despite the troubles this son had brought, I'm sure there were thoughts and memories of his childhood, when there was still so much promise.

We came home, got out of our funeral duds, and cooked steaks out on the fire ring. We also had some cocktails, and watched the cat and dog enjoy being outside. It's been so cold this week that neither of them had been out much. The dog especially has had cabin fever, so she ran the back yard, hunted lizards who have long gone into hibernation, and played imaginary squirrel with me. The cat went looking for things to roll around in -- the maize seed under the bird feeders being his primary find. I had to dump the ground bird bath to keep him from drinking the nasty old water still left from the last rain. A chunk of ice was in the bottom. After the sun went down, the cold crept in, and we quickly finished with the cooking and came back inside. Hot tub felt good later. I love to sit in the 100 degree water when the outside air is frosty.

We again discussed getting a horse. This idea keeps arising and I hope I can keep talking it down. My SO wants to ride again, and it's starting to push at him. We're going to visit his trailrider friends in a couple of weeks, and I think that's what has him thinking about this. He had gone to his land the other day to check everything over before the big freeze, and while he was there, inspected the old saddle out in his shed. I reminded him of how much work and how expensive a horse is, and how we wouldn't be able to up and leave the way we do if we had a horse. It's already trouble enough with a cat and a dog. He agreed, but I could hear the longing in his voice. It might have been brought on by the visit with my friend's husband. Two old country boys talking about their animals and old memories. Searching for that long-gone youth. Or maybe it was just having been to a funeral and realizing, once again, the brevity of life.

Today is Super Bowl. Not that either of us really cares. But we will watch the game, maybe share a pizza. I've started Weight Watchers, been on almost two weeks and have lost five pounds. But it isn't easy with a man who loves to eat the way this man does. I had only a small piece of steak and salad for supper, but the cocktails we drank really ate into my extra points for the week. And next up is Valentine's Day. I've already threatened to hate him forever if he brings home chocolate candy or cake or pie on that day. I hope he doesn't forget my threat, good sweetheart that he is.

Onward ....