Familiarity Breeds Contempt ... Hmmmm!

Our friends, who have been married 38 years, threw a bombshell at us yesterday: they're talking about getting a divorce. It seems to be that more often than not, once this discussion begins, the marriage usually is at its end. I found myself almost begging them to reconsider, mainly because I wouldn't wish on anyone the misery I went through with the demise of my long marriage, and yet, I had to qualify all of that with how happy I am now. The other worrisome thing that was said is that being around us (my SO and me) has made them realize how unhappy they are, watching how well we get along, how much we enjoy each other's company, doing things together, and traveling, has shown them how far apart they've grown.

Anyway, after they left, we sat outside with cocktails and cooked shishkebob, both of us quietly contemplating, both of us shellshocked, and in agreement that they do bicker, never compromise, or have meaningful discussions as far as we can see. We had gone out to dinner with them on Friday night and the cross words got so loud at one point, it was embarrassing. I remember Daddy telling me a couple of years ago that my ex and I were like that, bickering to the point that it made people around us uncomfortable. And it's all just got me to wondering why it is that two people who love each other, grow to almost hate each other after a long time. Is human love just so easily wearied? Is it in our nature to dislike having someone else know us too well? There's so much truth in that old cliche about familiarity breeding contempt.

But even so, we seem to gravitate towards monogamy and partnering up. I think it just takes more work to stay together than most people are willing to give. But why is it so difficult? Are we all just that selfish? And what, really, are the payoffs? In the end, we die alone, as it's said.

The longer I live, the less I believe in marriage. When I look around me at people I know so few seem happily married. Especially the ones who have been at it for 20 years or more. I do think that people come in and out of each other's lives for various reasons and after a while, once circumstances or needs shift, people who were once so vital to us, lose their importance. It isn't even easy to keep long term friendships, let alone romantic relationships, alive. But it's still hard to put your mind around. Or even to accept.

Onward ....