LAST 30 THINGS TO STOP DOING (con't)

 As promised, here are the last of the 30 things on my mother's list, hidden away in her personal things. (See the last two posts for a better explanation.) These are some of the best ones:

21) STOP DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK. - The time to take a deep breath is when you don't have time for it. If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

22) STOP OVERLOOKING THE BEAUTY OF SMALL MOMENTS. - Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. 

23) STOP TRYING TO MAKE THINGS PERFECT. - The real world doesn't reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

24) STOP FOLLOWING THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. - Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don't take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

25) STOP ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE WHEN IT ISN'T. - It's OK to fall apart for a little while. You don't always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn't be concerned with what other people are thinking either -- cry if you need to -- it's healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

26) STOP BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR TROUBLES. - The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you're going through, you deny responsibility -- you give others power over that part of your life.

27) STOP TRYING TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE. - Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world, and yours. So narrow your focus.

28) STOP WORRYING SO MUCH. - Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: "Will this matter in one year's time? Three years? Five years?" If not, then it's not worth worrying about now.

29) STOP FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HAPPEN. - Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and if you pay close enough attention, you'll often find you're right.

30) STOP BEING UNGRATEFUL. - No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about you have that someone else might be missing, and be grateful for it.

I think Mother would be happy that I have shared her list. As I said at the beginning, I don't know who gave it to her, who wrote it, maybe she did but I doubt it. They see more like things she aspired to herself. Some items on the list seem like they are meant for me, personally. I can't imagine that they were, but I'm glad I found the list. It's special and it means something to me. I hope anyone reading it feels the same way.

Life is so short. It goes by in a flash. I have fond memories of certain things that seem just yesterday. It floors me when I realize decades have passed since that memory happened. We need to find ways to linger in the moment. That has been especially true this last year when our world's have all shrunk to our homes, gardens and immediate surroundings.

Love your life. Enjoy the days and nights. Get your vaccine as soon as you can. I can't wait to see you!

Onward....

30 THINGS TO STOP DOING, con't

Yesterday, I explained what this is (apparently they were my mother's goals) and I set down the first 10 on the list. Today is the next 10. It seems to me that the list will mean different things to different people. Could be work-related, could be friend-related, and could be relationship-related. I wish I knew which ones meant the most to my mother. I can guess, but who truly knows another person, especially your parents? Anyway, for what it's worth, here goes:

11) STOP BEING IDLE - Don't think too much or you'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can't make it to second base with your foot still on first. 

12) STOP THINKING YOU'RE NOT READY - Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won't feel totally comfortable at first. 

13) STOP GETTING INVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIPS FOR THE WRONG REASONS - Relationships must be chosen wisely. It's better to be alone than to be in bad company. There's no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen -- in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reasons.

14) STOP REJECTING NEW RELATIONSHIPS JUST BECAUSE OLD ONES DIDN'T WORK. - In life you'll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you. 

15) STOP TRYING TO COMPETE AGAINST EVERYONE ELSE. - Don't worry about others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

16) STOP BEING JEALOUS OF OTHERS. - Jealousy is the art of counting someone else's blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: "What's something I have that everyone wants?" And when you find the answer, be grateful and count that as an asset. 

17) STOP COMPLAINING AND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF. - Life's curveballs are thrown for a reason - to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment is happens, and it may be rough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. Often, you'll see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be. 

18) STOP HOLDING GRUDGES. - Don't live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, "What you did to me is OK." It is saying, "I'm not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness." Forgiveness is the answer ... let go, find peace, liberate yourself by forgiving! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it's for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on, and try to do better next time.

19) STOP LETTING OTHERS BRING YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL. - Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

20) STOP WASTING TIME EXPLAINING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. - Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is the right thing for any given situation.

Mother as a bride. She was oh-so young, just barely 16. I think she missed out on a lot by not waiting until she was older. That may have been part of her struggle. To me, this list, even with all its wisdom, informs me a little more of the things she struggled with. She was not always an easy person, but I think she strived hard to be easier, maybe more tolerant. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to the many clashes she and I had through the years. Still, I have missed her, and I wonder if now that I'm an old woman, she and I would have been more sympatico.  

30 Things to Stop Doing

Since this is my first post in the new year, I want to share something I found. This typewritten list was in and among some of the papers my mother kept in a storage bin. I have been trying to focus on going through all of these things my parents left behind, but it's not an easy task. I keep getting sidetracked,  sitting in the garage and reading things like with this. I don't know who wrote these 30 things, but there's some good advice in here. I'll share 10 today, 10 tomorrow, and the final 10 after that. Mother had a soft-spot for profound advice, even though she had trouble, like we all do, following those lodestars. I found some of the thoughts in this list to be poignant and personal and ideas I continue to strive towards. Hope you get something out of it, too. Here goes:

1) STOP SPENDING TIME WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE. - Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Never, ever push yourself on someone who continuously overlooks your work. And remember, it's not the people that stand by your side when you're at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you're at your worst who are your true friends.

2)  STOP RUNNING FROM YOUR PROBLEMS. - Face them head on. No, it won't be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren't supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That's not how we're made. In fact, we're made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble, and fall. Because that's the whole purpose of living - to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. That is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

3) STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. - You can lie to anyone else in the world, but your can't lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult change we can take is to be honest with ourselves. 

4) STOP PUTTING YOUR OWN NEEDS ON THE BACK BURNER. - The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

5) STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT. - One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

6) STOP TRYING TO HOLD ONTO THE PAST. - You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

7) STOP BEING SCARED TO MAKE A MISTAKE. - Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did. 

8) STOP BERATING YOURSELF FOR OLD MISTAKES. - We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. 

9) STOP TRYING TO BUY HAPPINESS. - Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free -- love, laugher, and working on our passions.

10) STOP EXCLUSIVELY LOOKING TO OTHERS FOR HAPPINESS. - If you're not happy with who you are on the inside, you won't be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. 

Here's Mom when she had bouffant hair. I love this one because she's laughing. Hard to believe she has been gone 26 years!