Leaving the Mountains

Night before we're leaving to return to Texas. It's been so nice and cool here, highs in the upper 70s, lows in the 50s. We've been sitting outside in the mornings with fleece and jackets on -- heavenly. And yes, I do know how lucky we are.

Took the dog for a walk with a neighbor who was also walking her dog this evening. We talked about the area and she said she will probably be putting her house on the market in about a year. Then she said she didn't know where she would move because she loves it here, loves the mountains, the scenery. So I asked why she would want to move, then, if she loves it so much? I can't come to terms with that.

We're only going to be gone for a bit over 2 weeks, but it feels like a lifetime. Which is one more reason -- or one more indication -- that the time is now to sell the Buffalo Wallow. It will be hard to do. We both love the place, and it holds so many memories of dreams we shared when we moved in there. But dreams change, and so do financial situations. It feels like the right thing to do, financially, to sell the Buffalo Wallow and move here to the mountains full time. I have just been having trouble reconciling myself to living in a smaller -- much smaller -- place. I will have to get rid of loads of old things that have meant so much to me in the past. But I still keep reminding myself that stuff is just stuff and doesn't contribute one iota to a person's level of happiness. Why is this such a hard thing to convince myself of -- has it only to do with that nest-building instinct that most women seem to have? Oh well ..... time to move on.

Part of me will be happy to divest myself of all these leavings. That's what I think of a large part of it -- leavings from another life. People leave things to you and then you're sort of stuck with it all until you can justify yourself to the fact that you have just been chosen to be the one to figure out what the hell to do with these leavings. Antique stores are full of leavings. I'm about to add a bunch more to their inventory.

On another, much more depressing note, the cat has really declined in the last couple of days. We took him to the vet this morning and I'm hoping he can rally one more time -- at least long enough to get him comfortably back to Texas. But for some reason this time does not feeling as positive as other times, and I am just hoping now that he can make it home. I have cried buckets and part of me would like a denouement to this phase. Although, my SO keeps reminding me that we have had him, and been able to enjoy him, far longer than we thought in the beginning. And he has, I truly feel, enjoyed this trip to the mountains. Up until two days ago, he was playing with his toys, chasing the birds on the deck.

For now, I'm taking one day at a time. With high hopes. Still trying to be a realist.

Onward ....