Merry @&%$*)$*#& Christmas!

The party over the weekend went off well. Ended up with 22, which was the headcount the last time we had one of these shindigs. One of my cousins who lives nearby didn't come, and I missed seeing him. And the mother of my grandson, along with my grandson, was a no-show. She waited until the party was underway to send a cryptic email. It really did put a damper on the whole thing for me.

As I age I see why the holidays are so stressful. There has to be someway to offset the accompanying depression. Maybe the answer is to downplay the whole season. Part of what happens is the memories of past Christmases, which are probably enhanced by distance, rise up and beckon. When I try to remember which were the best holidays, the ones that come to me are from my childhood primarily, or from the childhood of my own children, and these are circumstances that are impossible to replicate. I'm ready to start new traditions. Or do away with traditions altogether. I admit to being caught in the trap of feeling down again this year.

Most of it comes from the situation with my younger son. The whole thing has been exacerbated by having this party. It was a risk I knew existed way back in the spring when I began the planning of it. I thought that I could nip it from the beginning when my dear, well-meaning aunt mentioned how wonderful it would be to see this particular son again. I told her that would not happen. As much as I love him, I will not invite someone who threatens me with physical harm to come to my home. Now, one of my cousins wants to know how to contact my son, and I don't want to answer. I think I will confront it head-on and tell them the truth.

That part was all written two weeks ago, when I was still feeling spurned and fragile. I've had time to readjust myself and get over it, but I am really tired of Christmas, and it's not even here yet. It seems to go on forever nowadays, with so many families split apart by divorce or mere extension. I've already attended two additional parties since the one with my family: my old buddies from Yorktown gave one, which was lowkey by comparison to the big family shindigs, and the SO's family gathering, which happened at his brother's house. I found myself, about halfway through the last one, wishing to just be home watching football, or something as mundane.

I like my everyday life. It satisfies me. I don't need a holiday to remind me of how good things are for me. I'm grateful every day. We are to have one more minor gathering on Christmas eve during the day. Then that night, we have decided to head off to the movie, just the two of us, to see "True Grit." The current version is supposed to more closely resemble the TRUE GRIT book than did the one back yonder starring John Wayne, basically, as John Wayne. Never was a fan. Still am not fond of one-note actors. We will head for the mountains next Tuesday. Yea! Can't wait.

Onward ....

The Coast, The Holidays, The Mountains

Waiting on a norther this morning. It was supposed to have arrived last night around midnight, but here it is, 7:00 am and it hasn't got here yet.

We went down to the Coast on Friday, just spent one night, but we went over to our favorite eating place, sat out on the back patio, had raw oysters and shrimp nachos, a few beers, and watched the pier lights play on the calm bay water. Reflections rippled as the sun went down. There's a part of me that really loathes the thought of giving that up, but we have made up our minds to do it, and sort of spread the word that our place was for sale if there were any interested parties around. We payed a visit to the people who bought the other trailer down there. They seem thrilled with their bargain and have really moved in well, made friends. They're the type who will participate in all the community activities that we never did.

Read DOWN RIVER by John Hart. He's a good writer, and there were some parts of this book I really liked, but I think I'm just not really a great mystery reader. This was a second book with this main character, and maybe I should have read the first one, but I really had a hard time finding a character I really liked. My SO, however, accused me of being hypercritical and unable to enjoy a work of fiction. He's partly right. Anyway, he obviously liked the book more than I did. Maybe it's written for a male reader, I don't know. I swear, I just don't think I'll ever have my finger on the pulse of what's a bestseller and what's not.

On the other hand, I did enjoy the silly movie we watched last night, "Prince of Persia, the Sands of Time." It was outlandish, but I had tried once to play the video game, so I saw the cleverness of how they had incorporated the various levels and obstacles into the storyline. Still, it was just another movie made for 14-year-old boys. That's simply how it is nowadays.

We cleaned up the garage and hung the outside Christmas lights. Today we will do the tree. I've already been busy all week getting the house ready for the big party next Saturday. What seemed like a great idea last May is now almost overwhelming me. I have no idea where we're going to PUT 33 people in this house. A friend is loaning me two card tables. Without them, I can seat at most 16 to a table, or 22 total. About 8 or 9 of the 33 will be kids, which has pretty much knocked my SO off his beam. Neither of us is really big on kids, but what do you do -- say No Kids. Of course not. And since these are all my cousins, I think I'll feel differently about this particular bunch of kids. My SO only says he's anxious to meet my brother, but hopefully he will enjoy himself as best he can in this kind of loaded situation. Maybe I shouldn't have put him through all this. But as he has himself said, I've "suffered through" many family gatherings of his, both here and at other places. Truth is, though, it hasn't been suffering for me. I enjoy socializing more than he does.

We have decided to go to the mountains right after Christmas. Our original intention was to spend New Year's at the Coast one last time, but we are both champing at the bit to get back to the cabin. And his granddaughter and her boyfriend are going to join us there. They won't to go skiing. Ah, to be that young ....

Onward.